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The Todd Is Trying To Murder Me:  Trazadone & The Raccoon Of Death

The Todd Is Trying To Murder Me:  Trazadone & The Raccoon Of Death

“We Have a Trazadone Issue.”

notes

The Todd likes to communicate by leaving notes on our oven hood. Which is fine, but they’re usually so curt they make sense only to him. I studied today’s with some concern. An Issue? A Trazadone Issue? What does that mean? Did Zachie get a hold of his meds? Did he OD? Is my son in Rehab? WHAT?  Turns out that the bottle fell over in the fridge and leaked out. What a relief. Today’s horrifying chain of events averted.

But this isn’t the first time.

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Um. Okay. I logically looked IN the oven, assuming he meant for me to take it out for dinner. No chicken. I checked the fridge. Nope. Looked outside the side door that we call our “White Trash Winter Kitchen” that we use for food overflow when it’s cold. No chicken. Then, my fears rose. ”There Is Chicken.” Did that mean one of the neighbor’s chickens had escaped and our dog Gille had murdered it and The Todd was hiding the evidence? I was beginning an apology note to our neighbors as he came in. ”Dear Shannon, I’m really sorry Gille got loose again and I hope the blood spatter from the chicken attack didn’t traumatize baby Adam and for heaven’s SAKE I hope the murder victim wasn’t Will’s chicken like last time because I know those nightmares went on for a couple of months–” He opened one of the cabinets to reveal a giant plate of ice-cold chicken. ”Why didn’t you find it?  I left a note!”

“Um, because you left it in the cabinet where we keep the dinner plates and the note didn’t mention that?”

“Where else would I hide the chicken to keep it away from the twins?” he asked, aggrieved.

You see my problem.

 

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Now, this note would have been especially helpful before I opened the garage door. I used to love raccoons. They’d visit us on the deck of our cabin and The Todd would leave a bowl of water and some fish scraps for them. The kids loved watching the little furry bandits eat the scraps and wash their masked faces with their clever paws. The screeching ball of death that flew hissing at my face as I opened the garage door was the Murderous Masked Ninja Avenger Of All Raccoons. He chased me around the yard as I screamed and the twins laughed helplessly, sure I was kidding around because raccoons–they’re so cute.

Did you know raccoons have really sharp claws? And that hooking one of them in your heel right behind your Achilles tendon can sever it and leave you a limping wreck for the rest of your life? Yeah, the ER doctor shared that with me as he stitched up my foot. ”You missed a permanent disability by one-eighth of an inch!” he said jovially as he jammed the last bit of cotton thread into my heel.

The Todd came home to see me hoisting my gigantic bandaged limb onto the couch.

“What’s all this? What happened to you?”

“What happened to me? What happened to me?” I hissed. “The killer raccoon in the garage happened to me!”

“Why did you open the garage?” he threw up his hands, “I wrote you a note saying ‘don’t open the garage!’ Why don’t you read these things!”

“Because I’d just come home from picking up the kids!” I shrieked. ”I opened the garage door to put away some potting soil! Why was there a raccoon in our garage!”

The Todd looked at me like he’d married the most stupid woman alive. ”Because,” he said with exaggerated patience. ”I was waiting to see if he was going to be rabid or not. It was a safety measure.”

Then, there are some notes that I just don’t want to decipher. There are some notes that make me simply pick up my car keys and exit the house. You’re on your own, honey. Good luck.

note 5

Shows

DIY Your Own Big, Scary Halloween Tree 10.2.18

DIY Your Own Big, Scary Halloween Tree. We’re setting up this year’s Halloween Tree today on the show. Who’s as excited for Halloween as we are? Or you just in it for the candy? (Editor’s note: anything you see on our Halloween Tree that you like can be found along with all our other Halloween decor on our Amazon page here.)

Plus! The Corn Critters are my favorite new thing on the tree this year. Find our easy-peasy DIY tutorial here.

The psycho tropical storm Rosa is just about to kick our collective behinds here in Utah, and it’s not too late to get flood insurance. We’re not joking.

Welcome to the Baby-Making Hotel – 1.29.20

We all like quirky Valentine’s Day promotions, but welcome to the baby-making hotel – an entirely new level of WOW. Book for a “nooner” at the Zed Hotel on Valentine’s Day, and if you happen to end up in the family way from your visit, they’ll reward you with a free hotel stay every year. Perhaps I’m merely paranoid, but that seems like it’s just inviting more trouble.

Maybe you already have the baby and don’t need the baby-making hotel. Perhaps you’re looking for something special … something sweet, and unique for a daddy-daughter date. Uh … then maybe the Todd is not your best example. But our Zoe had fun, at least.

Are you looking for some new ideas for DDD night? Have a look at these ideas.

 

Never underestimate the ingenuity of a gamer. A teenager in Salt Lake City playing with a friend in England heard him go into a seizure on her headset, and managed to save his life in a completely ingenious way. Imagine a gamer 5,000 miles away knowing your son was having a seizure before you did!

 

Do you have a picture of yourself you go back to when you need a mood boost? One where you’re absolutely gorgeous? If not honey, it’s time. Bonnie’s Joy Pinups re-creates you into a luscious, pouting vixen for a photo series you’ll gloat over for the rest of your life. Photographer Alyssa Chambers insists that “You will never be more beautiful than you are now.” Don’t wait to lose twenty pounds, or whatever else has you putting this off – call her now. Let Alyssa explain the process. The women I’ve spoken to after the experience were stunned to realize how liberating, how empowering it was. Need another little push? Alyssa’s discounting her sitting fee from $300 down to $50 – nonrefundable – plus a $100 credit toward your photo package. Find out more info here.

You can contact Alyssa at 801.604.9398 or follow her on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.

 

Bring the Joy: Because Nothing Makes You Happier Than Nothing Bundt Cakes

Bring the Joy: Because Nothing Makes You Happier Than Nothing Bundt Cakes. Starting this new decade was trickier than I thought. 2020 opened up with lots of turmoil, and if you’ve got someone in your life who’s struggling, sometimes a small gesture of kindness can make all the difference.

(Image credit: Nothing Bundt Cakes/Sandy)

I’m thinking a glorious Nothing Bundt Cake from the Sandy, Utah store – draped with cream cheese frosting is a great start. So … maybe your cubicle buddy is having a hard time, your best friend, a neighbor. Send us their story – please include contact information, email, or a phone number, please – to toddanderinshow@gmail.com. We’ll be personally delivering a gorgeous cake to a new winner each week.

Look what a nice person you are!

 

BTW: Did you know you can stop by the Nothing Bundt Cakes Sandy store and mention that you know us, Todd and Erin, and they’ll give you a free Bundlet when you buy one? (I recognize this means you have to admit you – ugh – know us, but I think a free Bundlet is worth it.) You’ll find this shop of delights at 10389 South State Street in Sandy. Please say “Hi!” to April for us, won’t you?

 

Also on today’s podcast…

In every relationship, there is a spender and a saver. The Todd attempted to purchase a steel shipping container because “It had a cool robot in it,” along with 300 bottles of off-brand perfume, a wonky-looking construction generator, and sixteen rusty dutch overs. And that was just this week. Who’s the spender and who’s the saver in your household?

Plus! The incredible story of a woman in her thirties who agreed to foster six brothers “for the weekend,” and just last week got to adopt them all. It’s gorgeous and wonderful and you’re going to cry. Totally. But you’ll smile and be just a bit happier because of it.

 

Today’s Tasty Camping Hack- Orange Cinnamon Rolls – 5.8.19

Today’s Tasty Camping Hack- Orange Cinnamon Rolls. Today’s tasty camping hack- Orange Cinnamon Rolls- you will love me for this one.

 

BTW: if you’re looking for more yummy camping hacks that are easy to cook over a campfire, take a look at our Banana S’more recipe here.

Imagine going to school where there is a milk and cookie bar. I would support this. Speaking of college, there’s a boatload of student debt forgiveness programs that no one seems to be taking advantage of- we’ll tell you where to look. The US Department of Education is a good start- go here. And then stop by The Insitute of Student Loan Advisors here.

 

 

 

 

Two wonderful Tell Me Something Goods on the show today- one about former inmates who now run a moving company called The Other Side Movers who helped the Pleasant Grove Police move to their new location. The other- about a group of farmers at auction that refused to bid on their neighbor’s property- so that farmer could buy it back. And finally, you have a THREE BILLION DOLLAR nuclear sub- the new pride of the Navy of India. What is the ONE THING you should remember

The Cool New Thing In The Foodie World: Fermentation Cooking – 4.19.19

The Cool New Thing In The Foodie World: Fermentation Cooking. So apparently the Cool New Thing in the Foodie World is… fermentation. Fermentation Cooking. You heard me. So let’s try it together, shall we? First up, your DIY video on sauerkraut.

 

BTW: you love the whole “bar food thing?” How lucky that the Todd has a tasty pickled egg recipe- you can find it here. It’s right after Easter and I know you have a lot of hard-boiled eggs just sitting around. Staring at you…

 

It’s sometimes easy to underestimate how far back our history stretches along the Wasatch Front. We live by the beautiful old Salt Lake City Cemetery – yes, where I introduced you to the “Lily Gray 666 Victim of the Beast” tombstone – anyway, all the streets are lined with these glorious old trees. Unfortunately, they’re forced to cut several of them down. But you’ll be stunned to see how long they’ve been there. Find our whole history in the rings of this tree…

Your Easter Dinner Menu – “Big Meat” And Chocolate Mousse Cake – 4.17.19

Your Easter Dinner Menu – “Big Meat” And Chocolate Mousse Cake. So, we’ve called the Todd’s spectacular rib roast “big meat” ever since our son MacLean saw the rib roast one day and let out a roar, proclaiming, “It’s big meat night!!” It’s such an easy recipe and nothing looks more fancy and delightful on your table.

If you’re more into lamb for Easter, try the Todd’s spectacular Roasted Leg of Lamb recipe here.

We also have Erin’s Tunnel of Love Easter cake on the show today…. (From Erin: stop laughing! I can too bake! Some things. One or two… anyway, two tasty recipes, no waiting!)

Want more tasty Easter desserts? Try our “Bunny Butt Cookies” recipe, find it here.

 

Oh… and if you’re needing some easy kid’s crafts for Easter, have a look at our Facebook page, Glitter and Glue Guns.

“Damnit, It’s A TRANSITIONAL Wreath, Todd!” – 3.20.19

“Damnit, It’s A TRANSITIONAL Wreath, Todd!” How do you keep your children from eating your Easter wreath? #questionsparentsneverthoughttheydask

Also, an old staple from your childhood’s apparently becoming the “cool” new food, have a taste. Ever dreamt of having your own horse? The state’s giving them away, plus a $1,000. The catch? They’re wild.

 

And the most appalling game of “Would You Rather?” is trending on Twitter, and it involves the Muppets.

(Cover image credit: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/User:4028mdk09)

Rage Yoga: An Exercise I Can Finally Get Behind – 2.20.19

Rage Yoga: An Exercise I Can Finally Get Behind. There’s screaming and the use of a lot of really bad words. But when you leave, all life’s irritations are left behind. Sometimes, there’s Rage Yoga classes with beer. Who wants to go to a class with me?

You know, I was a vegetarian for 8 years, so I can respect the dedication. But disinviting family members (like your mom and 3 of your bridesmaids) for NOT being vegan seems a little harsh. A new brand of Bridezilla?

 

Speaking of marriage, Todd and I are coming up on our 22nd wedding anniversary, yay! Do you know what one of the “traditional” gifts is for your 22nd anniversary? A door knocker. I’m not making this up. So… while we’re on the subject of celebrating wedding anniversaries, I have to admit that the Todd is much more romantic than I am. Any good suggestions for celebrating our anniversary? Twenty-two years and we’ve haven’t murdered each other! That’s cause for celebration!

 

We experiment with another one of the “Nostalgia Comfort Foods” out on your grocery shelves, does anyone remember the “Fluffer-nutter” sandwich? The Todd’s from Boston and I’m thinking it’s an Eastern thing?

Want to see the results of our other nostalgia food tests? Have a look here.

A humble group of West High students saved the life of a man by doing CPR after he ejected from his car during a terrible crash by the school. They kept it up until police arrived, then disappeared into the night. The victim’s family wants to thank them- do you know who they were?

There Really Is Such A Thing As Quicksand & Someone Got Stuck In It – 2.19.19

(image credit: Eamon Curry)

There Really Is Such A Thing As Quicksand & Someone Got Stuck In It. You know, I really thought quicksand was going to be a bigger threat in my adult years after all those episodes of Gilligan’s Island and those old Westerns. But some poor hiker down at Zion National Park actually did get caught in quicksand over the weekend! (Big kudos to his girlfriend for hiking out of an impossible spot to go for help.)

 

The Snow Moon tonight is the biggest Supermoon of the year- it’s most spectacular right as it rises.

 

Have you noticed all the “nostalgia foods” coming back onto grocery store shelves? Retailers say we’re all longing for the tasty snacks of our youth. So, we’ve bought them all. Seriously. Let’s give them a test run and see what matches up to our childhood memories, eh? Today we sample a huge childhood favorite and find a cruel, cruel betrayal.

 

 

 

Have you gotten your tickets for the 4th Annual Todd & Erin Psychic Fair? It’s the largest gathering of talented psychics along the Wasatch Front in one handy spot! Join us Friday, March 22nd at the Viridian Events Center from 5-10pm. You can get your tickets here.

Best. Obituary. EVER. – 2.15.19

Best. Obituary. EVER. If you had to write your own obituary, what would you say? We have a winner- from a woman who wrote “I finally have the smoking hot bod I’ve always wanted- because I was cremated.”

 

The best part of Valentine’s Day is getting the recap from all of our friends- including the best V-Day cards, like “I would put my phone down to hold your hand.” That’s true love, honey.

Any parties coming up this weekend? How handy that the Todd has a tasty spinach dip recipe for you.  (Editor’s note: If you’re looking for more tasty fresh spinach recipes, Todd’s got them for you here and here.)

 

There’s a new scam alert from Unified Police you need to know, we’ve got it for you here.